I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
