she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
