It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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