U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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