I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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