1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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