marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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