if i died would you start the facebook group?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
whose parrot is this?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
