why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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