I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
