He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
