I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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