Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
