The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
