this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
