bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
