At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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