It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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