Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
