And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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