Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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