awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im holly from the hills drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
