I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
