____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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