I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
