So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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