do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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