Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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