May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
