I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
