i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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