and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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