Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
