hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
