The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
