it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
