I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
