hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
