everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
