The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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