guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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