I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
