you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
