and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
