Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
