they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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