you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
