paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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