My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
