I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
