**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
